That was the year that was – Mike Amos looks back on the 30th year of the Backtrack column

“If something doesn’t go wrong soon, you’ll have nothing to write about” – regular travelling companion Kit Pearson.

“Where do you want me to play?” – former England cricket captain Michael Vaughan texts after fast bowler Steve Harmison is made manager of Ashington FC.

“The only qualification is still to be alive” – Crook Cricket Club chairman David Nevins on why he still gets a game for the County Over 60s.

“Had it been a silent film, I’d have taken off my hat and a fish would have fallen out” – The Far Corner author Harry Pearson reflects on a Northern League soaking.

“I don’t go so far on my holidays” – off-spinner and entertainer Dave Greener on the geographical composition of the new Durham Cricket League.

“I wonder who’ll send the Queen a telegram when she gets to 100” – Kit Pearson (aforesaid).

“It’s a bit like us travelling to North Shields and finding Alan Shearer in charge of hospitality” – Erith and Belvedere’s programme recalls a 1920s visit to Cockfield when Alf Common, football’s first £1,000 man, was pouring the tea.

“West Auckland were playing with Whitby in the same way that a cat plays with a dead mouse in its mouth” – DJ and writer Andy Fury.

“There are times when people will swear. There’s sin in all of us” – North East Christian Fellowship League secretary Dave Wills, marking the league’s 25th anniversary.

“Let’s be British. Bring a sense of fair play and an umbrella” – village noticeboard in Gillamoor, North Yorkshire, promotes the annual tennis tournament.

“No one could even suggest that he might have been adopted” – former Northumberland FA chief executive Clive Oliver on the old-block resemblance between him and his son Michael, the Premiership referee.

“They’re all slightly mad” – author David Bauckham reveals what he learned for a masters degree dissertation into football ground hoppers.

“What makes it really time consuming is that I stop to read the ironing” – Durham Amateur Football Trust member Geoff Wood, charged with ironing, photographing and digitalising 30 years of football Pinks.

“Our class found that, generally, the more money a club had the worse their replies were” – pupils at Saltburn Primary School write to all 20 Premier League clubs. Only seven replied.

“If you lived in South Bank and had two ears they thought you were a sissy” – former Boro star (and South Bank boy) Terry Cochrane.

“It’s above average for a man in Guatemala” – Hartlepool lad and Sky Sports man Jeff Stelling is a bit self-conscious of being just 5ft 7ins.

“Smile at a visitor. They’re helping keep your shop open” – notice in the grocer’s in Swainby, North Yorkshire.

“They said it would be one meeting a month. It was five a week” – Durham FA president Frank Pattison, retiring after 31 years.

“If that’s what walking does for you, I’ll stick to the bike” – passing cyclist near Brandon observes that the Last Legs Challenge is being undertaken in a sling.

“I regard Mike Amos as a Johnny-come-lately” – fellow columnist Harry Mead, almost 60 years in journalism.

Deaths in the family

Alan Archbold, Backtrack Irregular and perhaps the only man who could have spotted that Ford and Hendon, scorers in a 1-1 Sheffield derby, were both areas of Sunderland.

Arun Banerjee, Crook GP who organised Crook Town’s memorable trip to India in 1976 and remained a Mohun Bagan fan. “If they lose, everyone cries. It’s a very emotional club,” he said.

Harry Clarke, 84, the only man to play both cricket and football professionally for Darlington.

Les Dixon, 84, Bishop Auckland full back in the twice-replayed FA Amateur Cup final with Crook Town.

Allan Edgar, cricketer, polliss, raconteur and former manager of the North Briton at Aycliffe – “by far the best pub landlord I ever knew,” said the column.

Ken Furphy, born in Stockton, made 349 appearances for Darlington, became a successful Football League manager and was head coach of New York Cosmos.

Ron Greener, Darlington FC’s outstanding centre half for many years. Had a gammy left leg. “I was never much good on that one, anyway” he insisted.

Ian Harper, 68, Trimdon newsagent, lovely man, wholly committed to the young of the area – particularly through football. Still getting up to do the papers at 4.30am just three weeks before he died.

Vivien Nicholson, 79 – vowed to “spend, spend, spend” on September 23, 1961, after Dave Carr’s late equaliser for Darlington won her the Littlewoods jackpot.

Dr Neil Phillips, 84, former Boro and England World Cup team doctor. Self-published his autobiography in 2010 – “a sign of the low measure of my celebrity status.”

Colin Richardson, 71, among the region’s most successful football managers, who hated big club academies – “the biggest waste of time and money I’ve ever known in football.”

Nick Sharkey, Sunderland centre forward, hit five against Norwich City on March 20, 1963.

Alan Sproates, Hetton-le-Hole lad whose 345 league and cup appearances included 84 for Darlington. Died in America.

Colin Summerson, 81, West Auckland’s centre half in the 1961 Amateur Cup final. Lived in Ireshopeburn, Weardale.

Neville Thompson, Esh Winning cricket stalwart. “The driving force behind everything we did,” it was said.

Frank Tyson, 95, England fast bowler, Durham University graduate and Catterick squaddie. “Officially I was OKC, operate keyboards and cyphers. The lads called me operator keyboards and cricketer, because I was hardly ever there.”

Tom Ward, 93-year-old from Hunwick, still playing snooker with the cue his father had bought, second-hand for 7/6d, 75 years earlier. First nonagenarian to win a game in his league.

Stan Wilson, cricketer, footballer, local politician and Backtrack Irregular who’d been in the same East Cleveland school team as future England centre forward Bobby Smith. Stan had become a teacher in Thornaby when Smith made his England debut in a televised afternoon kick-off. “I nicked out before the kids did,” he said.

Twenty things that only Backtrack readers might have known

The European egg jarping championships are held annually at North Bitchburn, near Crook. (The world champs go head-to-head in Peterlee.)

Tess Tickle is hostess of the longest-running gay night in Darlington.

Tim Henman – or Tin Henman, as the column inadvertently called him – is the only man to win both the BBC Young Sports Personality and Sports Personality of the Year awards.

The two highest numbers which can be written out without using the same letter twice are eighty four and five thousand.

Student nurses used to be taught chest compression to the background music of Nellie the Elephant.

There are 107 steps to the royal box at Wembley.

When travelling north, King John is said to have avoided the road from York to Darlington in favour of the scenic route through Scarborough, Whitby and Guisborough.

Durham cricketer Mark Wood supports AFC Wimbledon because of a childhood belief that his dad resembled former Dons goalkeeper Hans Segers.

A peckish bat can eat 3,000 midges in a good night.

Coventry City, in 1987, were the last team to win the FA Cup wearing stripes.

Darlington and District Cricket League slow bowler Dickie Adamson is known as the Cliffe Rickshaw, an attempt to differentiate him from the Ashington Express.

Former Sunderland and Middlesbrough favourite Julio Arca paid £4 a week subs to play pub football for the Willow Pond in Sunderland, but got a free pint if man of the match.

The Northern League is run by Signor Bossi – but that’s the political party in Italy, and thus has no connection whatsoever.

The ancient Hospital of God at Greatham, near Hartlepool, was in the 16th century “a house of entertainment for gentlemen.”

Robert Holgate, a 16th century Archbishop of York, was cleared of marrying another man’s wife on the grounds that the lass had only been seven at the time. (The above paragraph is unconnected).

Helen Shapiro, hit singer of the 60s, was known to school friends as Foghorn.

Winkie’s Castle museum in Marske-by-the-Sea is named after former village cobbler Jack Anderson’s cat.

Veteran director Ken Loach, the workers’ friend, is making a documentary about the Job Centre in Newcastle.

A set of 28 dominoes had 8,683,560 permutations.

Egham FC are known as The Sarnies.

Old favourites

Vera Selby, 85, made MBE for services to billiards and snooker, but made to look in the paper like she had green hair. “People will think the old bat’s gone potty at last,” she said.

Mary Hail, Tow Law Town superfan, 80 this year and still with plenty to shout about.

Liz Tait, 70, from Newfield, near Chester-le-Street – became the first woman in English darts to make 300 county appearances. “I’m still not a bad player, but there are some phenomenal ones,” she said.

John Dawson, retired Hartlepool postman and king of the ground hoppers, unable to complete his Isthmian League set because Guernsey are now in it. “You can’t get a bus to Guernsey,” said John.

Darlington Harrier Ian Barnes, 81 – still running and looking forward to the club’s centenary in 2016.

Darlington Snooker Club, 100 this year and the most festive licensed premises in town.

Ken Chaytor, Trimdon lad marking the 60th anniversary of becoming the Football League’s youngest hat-trick scorer – for Oldham. He was 72 days past his 17th birthday. “I think the manager ruffled my hair,” he said.

Shildon FC, 125 this year.

Retired Echo sports reporter Ray Robertson, 84, still addressing the retired men’s forum in Saltburn. The “grimmest day in football history”, he said, was when Boro – locked out of Ayresome Park – had to play Port Vale at Hartlepool.

Former Football League referee Terry Farley, Newton Aycliffe lad, still running the line at 82. “I’m now but a bairn,” he insisted.

Arthur Puckrin, now 77 and in Norton-on-Tees, headmaster of the never-say-die school of extreme athletes.

English international footballer Eric Gates, 60 this year, one of the few without email or mobile phone. “I just like the simple life,” he said.

Entrepreneur and philanthropist John Elliott, 72 on December 28, now rowing on the Tees and told the boat couldn’t capsize. “The next thing I knew I was in the water, looking up at it.”

“I just waddle in off eight short strides. After that, it’s the batsmen who get it wrong” – ageless cricketer Jon Barnes, now with Mainsforth.

The uniquely glorious Feversham Cricket League, still hanging on with four faithful clubs.

Dave “Jock” Rutherford, all-time hero, now finished football, but at 70 still cycling and playing tennis. “I’m like the tin man when I get out of bed,” he said.

Vince Kirkup, just 65, new chairman of Crook Town FC and sure to talk a good game.

Camerons Brewery, 150.

Tom Stafford, the wicket-keeper with the WD40 knees, admitted to the NYSD League Hall of Fame.

John King, still playing football for Trimdon Vets at 70. “I have good games and bad ones, but you have those when you’re 22.”

Former FIFA referee George Courtney, 74, going up in the world after climbing Scafell Pike for the first time. “It was there,” he said.