10:27am Tuesday 17th August 2010
BRIGHOUSE, locally pronounced Briggus, is between Uddersfield and Alifax. Until 1977, very likely, the town’s greatest claim to fame – and “claim” may be the operative word – was that Robin Hood was buried a couple of miles away. A Yorkshireman who gave to the poor?
Then the brass band recorded The Floral Dance, were denied No 1 spot by the width of the Mull of Kintyre but sold a million, nonetheless.
Now it’s impossible to walk down Clog Sole Road (or Spout House Lane) without humming the tune, and getting queer looks off the locals.
Last Saturday the old place enjoyed another historic moment – Brighouse Town played Dunston UTS from the skilltrainingltd Northern League in the FA Cup extra preliminary round, not just the first ever FA Cup tie in Brighouse, but the club’s first sponsored match and first champagne moment.
Nice place, nice people, though they may find there’s an FA rule about alcohol on the ground. “Haven’t you heard of Guinness Cola?”
someone said.
Steve Preen scored for Dunston after 15 minutes, cupped a hand to his ear like Maid Marian sensing the arrival of the Outlaws and was so soaked in ale from one of his own that he had to leave the field to detox.
Terry Galbraith made it two after 34 minutes, the home goalkeeper making so great a Horlicks of his free kick that it made Mr Rob Green appear technically adept.
The visiting fans supped their drinks and broke into song. “Where’s yer brass band gone?”
Mr Preen left at the interval sniffing his shirt.
How was he to explain to their lass why he smelled like a barmaid’s boudoir?
Visiting officials were buoyant, one even moved to eye the buffet and essay the old line about “Is that a fairy cake or a meringue”. Said in a Geordie accent, the pay-off becomes more obvious.
Nathan Cartman scored a second-half champagne opener, kissed his tangerine shirt, but Dunston hung on.
It may not be said to have been the railroad to Wembley, since not even the chairman believes – when sober – that a Northern League side will win the FA Cup, but the homeward journey passed contentedly, nonetheless.
Poor Brighouse were just brassed off.
BLACKPOOL’S tangerine dream lives on, of course, former FIFA ref George Courtney among the crowd who witnessed their 4-0 demolition of Wigan.
George was the referee assessor, Mark Halsey back in the Premiership after recovering from throat cancer, his wife and surgeon also in the stand.
“Mark was warmly applauded during the warmup,”
says George, from Spennymoor, though what would really make him feel back among it – he’d said beforehand – was a good booing. It came in the 24th minute.
“Mark had an excellent rapport with the players, the toughest part was my debriefing,” says George.
“He has far greater challenges to face.”
FIRST time in 34 years, the cricketers of Sessay, near Thirsk, will be at Lord’s on September 12 in the final of the National Village Cup.
Back then, it may be recalled, a banner proclaimed “Till makes Sessay bounce with health”, the team so full of members of that family. Another three Tills lined up on Sunday against Fillongley, near Coventry.
“You mustn’t just write about us,” insists Fred Till, himself in the 1976 team, and Sessay may particularly have been grateful to have had Nick Thorn in the side – his 60 anchored the innings.
Their attraction is that they’re a true village club.
John Flintoff, whose birthday was celebrated on Sunday, will also follow his father to Lord’s.
“The supporters’ bus was quite quiet coming back, but I gather the players and WAGS had a bit of fun,” says Fred.
Harvest permitting, we hope to have a lot more of those down-to-earth cricketers in the column on Saturday.
FRED Richardson, fondly remembered by Hartlepool United’s old guard, will be 85 tomorrow. “Still pottering in the harden but doesn’t get out for a drink much,” reports his friend Ron Taylor.
Long in Coxhoe, Fred was a Middlestone Moor lad, played for Bishop Auckland in the 1946 Amateur Cup final, made 244 Football League appearances – two for Chelsea, 149 for Pool – but had almost lost a leg after a childhood football injury.
His father refused permission to amputate; Fred spent a year recuperating at home. “All the schools around Spennymoor sent me baskets of fruit,” he once recalled.
“It was surprising how many teachers came to see me, because I was the worst scholar in the class.”
They’re hoping that one of his occasional sorties onto licensed premises will be on September 25 when Coxhoe Cricket Club’s reunion – Fred starred for them, too, once bagged 9-8 – will be held in the Cricketers pub from 7.30pm. All other former players are most welcome, too.
AWARDS to be handed over by me and Nigel Wright – only one of us the English middleweight champion – Shildon Boxing Club’s presentation will be held at the Railway Institute on Friday evening. Tickets are £5, including pie and peas, disco and a group.
LAST Tuesday’s column noted that Ferryhill lass Helen Conley had become the Over 40s League’s first female referee – Trimdon Vets v Darsley Park. We might also have mentioned, but didn’t, that Colin Wharton scored for the Vets after 11 seconds, the side’s fastest goal.
Pleased with his own start, Colin was also impressed with Helen’s.
“She did very well and, unlike many referees, even had a sense of humour.
“When one of our players told her the ball was 2ft over the byline, she asked if it were a man’s or a woman’s two feet. Class.”
They’re all bit bairns, of course, compared to Trimdon full-back Freddie Wilkinson. Enthusiastically kicking off another season, Freddie’s 68.
Beware the Italian charmer with little form on the pitch
ALESSANDRO Zarelli, a man in danger of redefining the Italian Job, tried to get himself signed for Bishop Auckland last week.
The upshot is that an urgent message has been sent to all skilltrainingltd Northern League clubs.
Roughly translated, the terms “ten foot” and “barge pole” are prominent.
Signor Zarelli has form, all right, but not – so far as reasonably may be ascertained – on the football field.
Five years ago, indeed, the Italian charmer was subject of a Sky TV documentary called Superfakes, and may have quite enjoyed the publicity. It may explain why he’s never changed his name.
“Alessandro Zarelli is the best footballer that never was, a legend in his own mind,” says the Non League Football History website.
“Unfortunately, he is also a conman who has the skill set of a two-legged donkey.”
It may be a bit unfair. A four-legged donkey, perhaps.
Besides there seems almost to be a grudging admiration for the guy’s longevity, for the Italian equivalent of chutzpah. In the North-East, he’d be reckoned brazzened fond.
He is first thought to have tried to get taken on in Northern Ireland, toting impressive-looking credentials, subsequently tested the credulousness of several Welsh clubs – he managed ten days at Bangor City – and, as if on a Round Britain tour, has been active in Scotland, too.
“He arrived here with a broken nose, so he never actually played for us,” Peter Davenport – then Bangor’s manager – told BBC Wales.
“He just took part in one warm-up session, an average player, nothing special.”
The Pie and Bovril website chronicles Scottish sightings. One or two there can’t help but like his crust, too.
At most clubs he sought a contract, sometimes asked to be put up at hotels while he proved himself (or not, as the case may have been.) There’s no record of his having played anywhere at all.
“For a supposedly good footballer, he was remarkably reluctant to put on a pair of boots,” says Bishop Auckland manager Colin Myers.
Zarelli contacted Bishops secretary Tony Duffy and was asked to turn up at last Wednesday’s game at Esh Winning. He said he’d had three years at Partick Thistle.
“I took a call from someone claiming to be the Partick Thistle coach, recommending him, and then half an hour later a call from Zarelli himself. It was the same Italian-Scottish accent, obviously the same guy. I’ve a few friends in Scotland and I checked up.
Partick had never heard of him.”
Zarelli now claims to be studying in Leeds but to be on work placement in Darlington. “I thought straight away there was a rabbit off,” says Colin.
“He was very convincing, talked about a signing-on fee and overnight hotel accommodation, but something just didn’t add up.
“I tried to get him involved in some way, but last weekend he said he had to go back to Italy. We certainly won’t be getting involved with him now.
“His photograph’s all over the internet but the strange thing is that he’s never tried to change his name.
“If he had, we’d maybe never have sussed him at all.”
THE shortest tenure of a Football League manager (Backtrack, August 14) is attributed to Leroy Rosenior, whose ten minutes of fame at Torquay in 2007 lasted precisely that long. “I think Darlington have been doing their best to beat it,” says Chris Orton in Ferryhiil, among those who knew.
Ross Brewster recalled that maverick Carlisle United chairman Michael Knighton appointed the wholly unknown Keith Mincher on June 18 1999, Mincher leaving again a week later.
“Apparently he did visit Carlisle briefly, but declined media interviews.”
United’s webste is succinct: “He was appointed then he went home. Not much else to add, really.”
Back to Chris Orton, who invites the identity of the shortest-lived Premier League manager. As best it can, the column manages again on Saturday.
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