THERE are those in Soapland who complain that Nicola de Souza lacks bite these days and that the once bitchy, scheming and generally bothersome back-stabbing woman has turned soft. Good news for all, she turns nasty again in Emmerdale (ITV1).

Some may consider she’s bitten off more than she can chew when she “attacks” Viv’s young daughter Cathy by biting her.

There’s a reason for her bizarre behaviour. When she sees the youngster go to bite young Angelica, Nicola instinctively gives her a taste of her own medicine – and promptly bites Cathy.

Nicola, to give her her due, is shocked by her own actions.

Hardly surprisingly, Viv is furious although some might think that a woman who names her twins Heathcliff and Cathy deserves all she gets.

Before you can say “Hv’ning all”, the police come knocking on Nicola’s door. And in case you’re wondering what the charge would be, it’s assaulting a minor. Not to be confused with assaulting a miner, as Arthur Scargill will tell you.

Nicola does the only thing possible. She breaks down in tears.

It’s left to Bob to try to persuade Viv to call off the dogs, sorry the police. Round at Smithy Cottage, newly-outed Aaron realises that having his mum Chas living under the same roof as him and Paddy isn’t a good idea as Paddy the vet is falling for her all over again. So he turfs her out. Aaron’s soon back at work but worried that he could soon be sharing a cell with Nicola as he reckons he’ll go to jail for his attack on Jackson. In Coronation Street (ITV1), Norris might as well be in prison. His holiday away from Weatherfield with Mad Mary is proving difficult to say the least.

She’s intent on re-enacting the scenario of the Stephen King story Misery in which a crazed fan holds an author hostage.

Norris’ escape plans are somewhat hampered by his twisted ankle. Mary soon catches up with him and mentions the Mword which puts the willies up him. Thats M as in marriage and he’s a confirmed bachelor.

His plans to flee her lusty clutches are further slowed down after she “accidentally” breaks his glasses. Accident, my arse, as Jim Royle would say although I can’t see anyone kidnapping him for marriage – and a glass-less Norris can’t see anything.

Happily, Soapland’s PC Plods stop questioning Nicola long enough to come and rescue Norris, although who’ll believe his story about being held captive by Mary?

Bad news for Deirdre. No, not the recent rise in the price of cigarettes and booze. The Barlows are sad to hear that Blanche has died in Portugal, suffering a heart attack on her way home to tell them she’d fallen in love. If only she’d stayed in Weatherfield and kidnapped Norris, things might have ended on a happier note.

The police also pay a visit to Silly Billy in EastEnders (BBC1) as he embarks on his new career – drug-dealing. The always hard up Billy, finding the bottom has fallen out of the fruit-and-veg market, rifles through his stash of stolen post and finds a bag of cannabis.

Even before he’s made his first sale, the police are on to him.

Luckly for him, it’s about something entirely different. They tell him Honey has been in a serious accident (what more serious than taking up with Billy?) Then it’s over and out to Syed who returns to the Square to discover that the effect the revelations about his sexuality – he’s gay – on his family. He learns that his mother Zainab is out too.

Out of the house, that is, after his father Masoon ejected her from the family home for keeping quiet about Syed’s gay lover.