Chasing the birds – like John Terry (From The Northern Echo)

Chasing the birds – like John Terry

11:51am Monday 8th February 2010

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WHEN it comes to news items which travel worldwide, it’s hard to beat the way a good bird story takes off.

No, I’m not talking about the John Terry scandal (I’m not a fan of Wag tales), I’m referring to stories about our feathered friends.

In my experience, bird stories migrate to all corners of the globe faster than any other.

Peter the budgie was a case in point. His story flew south as far as New Zealand after beginning in The Northern Echo.

My dear old Mum – a postlady in South Bank, Middlesbrough, at the time – telephoned to say: “A budgie on my round has died of passive smoking. Is that a story?”

Indeed it was. Peter’s cage was directly above the armchair from which his owner smoked 40 fags a day. He’d dropped off his perch and a post mortem confirmed he’d died of lung cancer – the first British pet to have died of a recorded case of passive smoking.

THEN there was Harry the hawk. I came across Harry when we took our children to Thorp Perrow Arboretum, near Bedale, North Yorkshire, a few years back.

As my wife and I dozed in the sun, the children went to watch a falconry display. A female commentator, microphone in hand, proceeded to tell the spectators about the various birds of prey.

“We’ve got a hawk called Harry and we’ve had to ban him from public displays because he got into the habit of landing on people’s heads,” I heard her say.

Then she uttered the words that made me sit bolt upright: “It was awful at Shildon Gala…he landed on a man’s head and, when he flew off, he took his wig with him.”

The story appeared in papers the world over. A radio station rang from Toronto and the owners of the falconry centre were flown to London for the Richard and Judy show.

LAST week began with another bird story which swiftly grew wings – the saga of the ferocious pheasant of Newsham, North Yorkshire. We told how the evil bird had been terrorising villagers, chasing school children, and attacking cars and prams.

Intrepid reporter Will Roberts, who’s scared of nothing, was sent off on its trail without so much as a risk assessment.

He failed to find it but a Google search shows his story was followed up by more than 1,000 news organisations, including The Australian and, most bizarrely of all, the Aston Martin news.

Jon Smith emailed to point out that the Newsham newsletter, The Flyer, had broken the story and made £250 for village funds.

“I’m off to plant a homicidal trout in the local beck for a follow-up,” he wrote.

THE Newsham pheasant drama lacked a vital ingredient for all good animal stories – a decent name for the central character.

It’s the mating season, the bird was apparently driven mad by lust, and he became a hate figure. I therefore suggest we call him John Terry.

AS if all that wasn’t enough, the week was rounded off ornithologically by news of the copulating ducks of Thirsk.

Thirsk Town Council is faced with the problem of male ducks, with a “wild, mobhanded mating technique”, proving a turnoff for shoppers and tourists.

We carried a picture of the chief duck suspect.

The temptation was to call him Chrissy Waddle but that would probably have been libellous – and led to a nasty bill.

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