SINCE so many of these columns must perforce pay death duty, it’s a particular pleasure to record the forthcoming nuptials of our old friend Ian “Boss Hogg” Hawley – aged 58, and for the first time of asking.

He may best be remembered as a heavyweight wicket-keeper for Crook – “I don’t even stand up for the Queen,” he liked to observe – though there was a short spell as captain of Mainsforth II. The previous skipper hadn’t paid his subs.

He’d been a young polliss, went bald in 1982, recalls constabulary duty soon afterwards when the Feethams crowd chanted “We’ve got more hair than you” – to the tune of a British Airways commercial then current – and he vainly tried to nick a pantomime horse.

We’d also recorded his hole-in-one at Crook in 1995. “I hoyed me bag away and got spatial,” said Boss.

His most memorable sporting moment, however, may have come in the 1990 Albert Vickers Cup final, Crook Rangers v St John’s Chapel, at which Boss was Rangers’ sponge man. Final whistle blown, he emptied the bucket over the referee – a police inspector who took the “accident” plea with rather better grace than others might have done.

“Besides,” he added, “Boss bought me a pint.”

The stag do was in Durham, where as a police cadet he’d received a Royal Humane Society award for fishing a chap out of the Wear. The wedding to Paula is at St Catherine’s in Crook on October 1 and already he’s down to 21 stones in anticipation. We shall dance attendance.

BRENT Smith, known throughout cricket as Bomber, is another old friend who’s been absent for several summers from the column. He’s 64, and last Saturday earned re-selection.

Opening the bowling for Stafford Place against Kildale, last game of the season in the Langbaurgh League, he claimed 5-12. “I wouldn’t care but my fourth ball went straight back over my head for six. I thought it was going to be one of those days,” he says.

Formerly a pro with several County Durham clubs, run reduced from 19 paces to eight-and-a-half, he’s been 18 seasons with Stafford Place, Thornaby-based. Saturday’s effort reduced his seasonal economy rate to 1.8, the league’s best.

Thus rejuvenated, he has no plans to pack up. “Next season will be my 50th, the one after that my 20th with Stafford. There’s a bit of life in me yet.”

A FIRST visit to Stockton Town FC, based behind the Sixth Form College, discovers a club with a state-of-the-art 3G pitch, 70 volunteers at all age levels and impressive facilities. Even the goal frames, as the photograph hopefully shows, are from Harrod’s.

Another thing: among the scorers in the 4-0 Ebac Northern League second division win over Whickham was Chris Stockton. Any other examples, past or present, of a footballer playing for a team which shared his name?

SINCE the last column was knocking around the dominoes board, it should further be recorded that Mr Jeff Ridley – self-proclaimed world’s greatest player – was drawn against Backtrack in the Friday night handicap at Elm Road workmen’s club in Shildon. (Cask Strongarm, good fettle, £2.)

Jeff publishes the Town Crier, the local community newspaper, and thus a meeting of press barons.

The greatest was whupped. On this matter, at least, the Town Crier appears to have fallen uncharacteristically silent.

George Kipling recalls that Derrick White, captain of the near-invincible Grey Horse 5s and 3s team in Darlington, was also co-manager in the 1960s of Victoria Rovers FC in the Church and Friendly League. “Whatever the weather, he’d turn up with the half-time oranges.”

George was even allowed a Saturday off – September 10, 1966 – in order to marry Shildon lass Maureen Bellis. Slightly belatedly, congratulations on the golden wedding.

Martin Birtle, meanwhile, spots in his Sunday morning television viewing that the sub-title service has translated “denomination” as domino maker. Another chalk.

WE’D also noted that the Durham Dominoes, an occasional cricket team, had had to withdraw from a 125th anniversary match at Blaydon, prompting Jack Chapman to point out that a Northumberland and Tyneside League Select valiantly turned out instead.

The story in the same column of how former Durham and England rugby man Jack Ranson, 78, had seen off armed robbers by throwing his morning cuppa at them reminded Jack of similarly disarming activity by Blaydon stalwart Allan Murray.

Confronted at the clubhouse door by a gunman, Allan – butcher and long-serving second team captain – threw a conveniently-placed table at him.

“You’re mad,” said the fleeing robber and Jack confirms that it was so – “Mad with rage. The club had worked hard for what they had.”

Allan died in 2006. His ashes, like his father’s, were scattered on the cricket ground.

MUSIC to the ears, this registration plate – JA55 – was spotted at Bishop Auckland’s ground after the derby with Shildon. Goodness knows how much it’s worth to the right buyer, but it could be an awful lot of notes.

….and finally, the four English football internationals whose surnames have ended with the letter ‘o’ (Backtrack, September 8) are Ken Shellito, Tony Dorigo, John Salako and John Atyeo.

Fred Alderton, who knew that one, today invites the identity of the Scottish League clubs with the nicknames Hedgemen, Sons of the Rock, the Arabs and the Clayholers.

Named and unashamed, the column returns next week.