Kate Burnett is determined to change the way we approach dementia. Northern Echo reporter Helen Cole talks to the Middlesbrough woman who’s ‘miracle relationship’ with a 93-year-old dementia sufferer has become an inspiration

“I’ll never forget that day.” Kate Burnett loses herself for a moment as she transports herself back to New Zealand. That day when Mary told her: “I have a lot of love for you Kate.’’

Those words were all the 28-year-old needed to hear to confirm what she knew in her heart was right. Dementia sufferers do hear us. They know we care.

The time that she had invested in caring for Mary and doing what she asked, despite being sworn at and shouted at was all worth it because the 93-year-old knew that she did care. Not only that, she appreciated what Kate had been doing and she loved her for it.

The Northern Echo:
INSPIRATIONAL: Kate Burnett is determined to change how we view dementia

Wednesday, January 15, 2014, is a day that not only changed Kate’s life but a day that has the potential to change the way carers treat people who have dementia.

It was the day that Mary Dunn ‘woke up’ and left her dementia behind for the day.

Nurses knew the moment they walked into her room that something had changed the usually abusive woman had transformed into and smiley and relaxed old lady. She asked for Kate.

Kate’s face lights up as she remembers. “The nurses called me and I drove straight in. It was amazing. It was the best day of my life.’’

Up until that day Kate had tried everything she could to reach Mary. To the point where, perhaps, she was at her beck and call.

“Whatever Mary wanted I did,’’ she laughs as another memory comes flooding back. “She really hates me! She would shout at me. She would even hit me but I couldn’t just sit her in a corner and ignore her.’’

The old woman was angry all of the time, she was aggressive and her language could only be described as ‘colourful’.

Quiet often, her behaviour would disturb other residents at Cornwall Park Hospital, in Auckland. It would have been easy to just let her be.

As activities co-ordinator in the Geriatric Psychological unit, it was Kate’s job to keep residents entertained and keep them active. Mary was her most difficult challenge.

She shakes her head as she remembers taking Mary out for the day.

“I knew that her old home was important to her so I arranged transport and took her there. We sat on the drive for ages but she refused to look at the house. She had her eyes tight shut. I said ‘Please Mary. Look where we are. We are at your old house. Please just open your eyes.’’

But Mary refused and got into such a state that she had to be taken back to the unit.

Looking at Kate, you can see that the experience had left the positive young woman deflated but her efforts had not been in vain.

“One of the first things she said to me was. You took me home Kate and it hadn’t changed.’’

Kate is quite animated as she describes the perfect day that her and Mary broke down the barriers of dementia.

She recalls how Mary’s son came in and the three of them went to the beach with other family members and everyone had tea.

She said: “We laughed and cried and laughed some more. Mary is a well-educated woman. I always felt that we had a connection and on that day I know now that she felt it too. I was really shocked when she asked me questions about the things I had told her. I thought she hadn’t listened. I thought she didn’t understand but she did.’’

Her face drops a little when she described the car ride home from the beach that afternoon and how she was sat in the middle with her arm around a sleeping Mary, who had snuggled into her.

“She woke up and she sank her teeth into my arm and that was it.’’

Her sadness doesn’t last long. She said: “She still doesn’t like me. But I know that it is not Mary. She is still in there. I love her to bits.’’

Kate has now returned to her native North-East where her family is still in Middlesbrough. She speaks to Mary every couple of days.

“She tells me I have a common voice, but I know that she cares,’’ she said.

They may live oceans apart but the bond they have is Kate’s inspiration to go in to help others who live with dementia.

She is now Dementia Adviser for the Alzheimer’s Society in Darlington and today (Thursday) she will share her story with visitors to the charity’s Dementia Community Roadshow, in the High Street, Darlington.

“I want to share this story. I want to change the way we care for people with dementia and I want to help support carers who need it.’’

The roadshow will be at the Pease Statue in Darlington from 10am to 4pm offering advice and support.