'Love is key' says foster mother who has cared for 49 children

“YOU have to realise that the kids who are brought to you will have problems. They are angry, confused, sometimes aggressive, and they don’t know why,” says Sheila Youngs who has looked after 49 children in her 15 years of being a foster carer.

“The best way to help them is to show them love, lots of it, even when they don’t want it, keep showing them love.”

Although the 60-year-old will admit there have were difficult moments, she insists the happy memories will always win over the more challenging times.

“Sometimes you just need to sit and talk to them. Always answer every question they have. They can be like scared rabbits. They are sad and feel like they have been rejected. They want to understand why.”

Nothing feels more rewarding to Sheila than seeing her hard work pay off, like when she went to collect a newborn baby girl who was drug dependant.

“To see her come out of that and move on, there’s no better feeling. Yes there were downfalls, we ended up back in hospital many times, but the feeling of helping that child, it is brilliant.”

She’s also proud to see her foster children grow up and begin to plan for their future, one is excelling in school and is planning to work with the elderly.

“I wouldn’t have been doing it so long if it didn’t give me a great deal of joy. Whilst I am healthy and well, I’ll keep going,” she says.

Over 63,000 children are living with foster families in the UK today, which provides vulnerable young people with a safe, secure and nurturing family environment.

Sheila from Marske in east Cleveland disagrees that life has to dramatically change when someone becomes a foster carer. She says her friends view her life as normal, as if the foster children are part of her family. She still has holidays, and Christmas is no different.

“The children could be used to just one Christmas box so I like to give them lots of presents to open. They will say “are these all for me?” Then they start crying and it sets me off. Christmas Dinner is one big cry.”

Sheila said she wouldn’t have considered fostering without the support of her family, particularly her sons, who were teenagers at the time.

“I talked about it with my own kids. You can’t go into something like this without the full support of all your family.

“I wouldn’t have gone through with it if they didn’t support me. They told me to go for it. They would tell me I was stricter with them than I was with the foster kids. But we never had any serious issues.”

Shelia’s story is one of many successes, but there are still not enough people coming forward to be foster carers. There is a demand for over 8,000 foster carers in the UK, which equates to around 450 in the North-East.

The Fostering Network is hoping to get this message across with Foster Care Fortnight, which is running across the region until Sunday, June 14.

The campaign is aiming to ‘make a connection’ by highlighting the invaluable work of foster carers who give children stability and security, and aims to appeal for new volunteers to join the network of fostering families and make a real and lasting difference to the lives of fostered children.

Sheila has no regrets. She hopes many more will ‘make a connection’ and change a child’s life forever.

Asked what advice she would give to anyone prospective foster parents, Sheila says: “It’s not all sweetness and light. There are tough times, there are issues to deal with. There are times when you think you can’t do this and you aren’t strong enough, but things go wrong in every walk of life, you have to take it day by day.”

“You need a lot of patience, but you just have to show them love. Every kid is different. There is no rulebook to being a foster parent, just like there isn’t to be a parent.”

To find out more about fostering, contact the Middlesbrough Family Placement Team on 01642 201962, email family_placement@middlesbrough.gov.uk or visit www.middlesbrough.gov.uk/fostering