SO why do people keep dogs as pets?

To make them miserable, it seems and turn them into doggy druggies.

An amazing number of dogs are unhappy, stressed and suffer from phobias – because they are cooped up all day and don’t get enough exercise or company. One expert this week estimated that about 80% of dogs are affected – out of control, aggressive or timorous.

And instead of giving them love, attention and exercise, owners are taking the selfish, lazy option and turning to drugs to sort them out – the doggie equivalent of Prozac.

And we call ourselves a nation of animal lovers…

What sort of logic says you like dogs so much that you leave them alone all day and don’t take them for a walk? How cruel is that?

Dogs need exercise, and company not a life in solitary confinement with drugs to keep them quiet. The People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals found that more than a quarter of owners left their dogs alone for five hours or more on weekdays and that a quarter of a million dogs are never taken for a walk.

Not much fun.

Some cities in China have banned big dogs from small homes. Others have stopped people from keeping dogs altogether. Sounds sensible.

We need working dogs, of course. And perhaps we could allow small dogs as company for those on their own – but only for people who are going to be able to look after them properly and not neglect them or drug them up the eyeballs to make up for their own inadequacies.

There used to be a licence for dogs. Maybe there should be a licence for dog owners.

Dogs are not toys. They take time and effort. If you can’t be bothered, then forget it. Get a teddy bear instead.

JAMES May has described the BBC’s sacking of fellow Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson as “a tragedy.”

No. One hundred fifty people dead in a crashed plane in the French Alps is a tragedy. Thousands of people infected by faulty blood transfusions is a tragedy.

Jeremy Clarkson’s sacking after apparently thumping his producer just means one less petulant bully on our screens – disappointing for many but quiet relief for quite a few more….

DAVID Beckham, footballer turned fashion icon, says cheerfully that he owes his place on the GQ best dressed man list to wife Victoria who tells him what to wear.

But with a fashion empire to run, Mrs Beckham must be away from home a lot – which must explain all those occasions when David appears to get dressed no further than his underpants….

GOEDEMORGEN! Mijn naam is Sharon…

I’ve been learning Dutch and I’ve seen the future. Well, a bit of it.

In three weeks, about 20 minutes a day and not much effort, I’ve acquired what I reckon to be about half a GCSE’s worth of Dutch.

All done at home, when I wanted to. All online. All free. It was even fun – and a lifetime away from the grim plod of O-level French.

This was done via Futurelearn, part of the Open University. They offer a huge range of short courses in just about everything. I’ve signed up for something on Hadrian’s Wall later this year.

All the courses are provided by universities – the Dutch was by the University of Groningen, Hadrian’s Wall by Newcastle University – and are a wonderful way of exploring a subject you might never otherwise get a chance to study. Many courses use online chat and Skype to help students along.

At the same time, universities all over the world are putting their courses onto the internet often for no charge at all. What an incredible resource.

At the moment it all seems chaotic with no structured qualification ladder. The easier it is to sign up, of course the easier it is to drop out. But a world-wide supply of accessible knowledge is a brilliant notion.

When universities are charging higher fees for less teaching time and adult education is collapsing though lack of funding, online courses could provide at least one small part of the answer.

Tot ziens!

FILM star Candice Bergen, 68, says that once over 50 a woman has to choose between saving her face or her bottom.

Years ago, Dame Barbara Cartland – her amazing pinkness – said a similar thing.

Her advice, I think, was to “Stay sitting down and smile a lot.”

I’m practising…

NOT so much a wind of change blowing through the church but definitely a tiny, refreshing breeze…

The news letter for St Joseph and St Francis Xavier church in Richmond and St Mary’s Catholic church Wycliffe has an appeal for help in laundering the small altar linen. The more volunteers there are, the lighter the load they point out and add a PS

“Please note gentlemen – this is an equal opportunities request!”

I hope the chaps have embraced equality with enthusiasm and a packet of washing powder.

MANY women are too embarrassed by their bodies to exercise in public and are afraid of being laughed at, says a report by MPs on the Commons Health Select Committee.

Relax. Turn up at the average gym in old leggings and baggy T shirt and you will immediately feel welcomed by similarly shapeless women similarly shapelessly attired. Very comforting.

Meanwhile, those other rare beings with the perfect bodies, the skin tight pink and purple Lycra and the immaculate smooth tan will be much too absorbed in themselves to even notice anyone else…

ANGELINA Jolie is a brave lady. Not only has she had her breasts removed but now also her ovaries and fallopian tubes in a bid to beat the deadly cancer gene she has inherited and which killed her mother.

Not only that, but she’s talking about it, disregarding her own privacy and challenging our squeamishness to get other people talking about it and thinking of their health.

What’s more, she even admitted that now she’ll be going through the menopause.

A Hollywood star admitting to the menopause? Now that really IS brave.

DEAR Sharon

Having moved back to Darlington after a number of years abroad, I too wondered what had happened to the market which now seems cut off from the rest of the town.

In France where I’ve lived for the past five years, local markets are still thriving even though every town now has a hypermarket on the outskirts. French housewives still appreciate fresh food and a bargain.

I understand that York has spent a lot of money reviving its market. It seems a shame that Darlington can’t do the same.

Kate Lambert (by email)