Car Torque .... with comedian Mick Miller

What was your first car?

Well it wasn’t a car, it was a van. My father always had nice cars, but what he did for me was amazing. Instead of trading his beloved Singer Gazelle for another flash car, he traded it for two Bedford six hundred-weight vans. He had the green one and he gave me the red one. I had been using busses to get to and from training at Sandbach United, which is where I ended up when my professional football career was nearly over. He knew that using public transport to get there was time consuming, so this was his way of helping me.

That red van was to serve me well and when I became a Blue Coat at Pontin’s Camber Sands, near Hastings, it got me down there and allowed me to have some “adventures”. After some hard work and more than a little ingenuity, I eventually traded it in for an MG sports car, but that’s another story.

How many times did it take to pass your test?

I passed on my second attempt. My driving instructor was a local bloke who lived just around the corner from me, I can’t remember his name. He had a Wolsey Hornet, which was like a Mini with a boot grafted on to the back. The one thing that I do remember about those lessons was that he had a small sticker in the back window. When reversing around a corner, you had to use the sticker as a guide to the kerb. It was a simple idea, but it was very effective.

Who would be your ideal fantasy passenger and where would you go?

I suppose it would have to be someone from the comedy world. I admire lots of comedians and have been lucky enough to know and work with many of them. Tommy Cooper would have been great as a passenger, but as he was 6ft 4ins tall, he would take up a lot of room, so I’m going to go for W.C. Fields. He was a master of the one-line gag and had a unique view on life. I still laugh at his material now, so I think it would have to be him.

What is your dream car?

I’m not really a petrol head and I’m not that bothered about supercars. I like comfort and practicality. I’ve had a few 4x4 vehicles and I love them. I feel safe and know that I’m going to get where I need to be in all weather conditions. So my dream car would be something like a top spec Range Rover or Toyota Land Cruiser.

How would you describe your driving style?

I’m a steady and safe driver. I enjoy driving, but when it comes to driving long distances on motorways for work, I’m not that keen. When I’m working, I share the driving with Steve who works with me. I like to have a pint to wind down after performing, so Steve always drives home. Drinking and driving is a definite no.

Tell me one driving anecdote from your past?

I was doing a gig with the late, great Les Dawson. He was a good friend and a lovely man. He had asked me to perform with him at a charity golf event. We went in my car and I was driving. We got near to where we were meant to be, but couldn’t find the place. You have to remember that these were the days before sat nav. We were in a small village and we were lost, so we decided to ask someone for directions. I stopped the car near a little old lady and Les wound down the window. This poor woman nearly fainted. Les was a big TV star and was in everyone’s living room on a regular basis. He asked her for directions, but all she wanted was van autograph and even asked if we could wait for her to go home and get her camera! Unfortunately, we were in a rush and had to ask her for the directions again. She was quite flustered as she told us to head down the road, turn left at the roundabout, take the third right after the Spar shop, then turn left just before the pub and turn back around because that was a cul de sac! Turn left and left again just after the pub and drive about a mile down the road where we will see a church. Quick as a flash, Les interrupted, saying, “Then we park the car, go in and ask God how to find the place we were looking for?” as he wasn’t convinced about her directions.

What are you listening to?

I like all sorts of music and have a varied selection on my iPhone. Currently, I’m into Sam Smith, Gregory Porter and, of course, my old favourites, AC/DC. But to be honest, I usually have Radio 2 on in the car. I get up to date traffic reports, news, great music, the best presenters around and Pop Master.

What do you drive now?

I have a Lexus RX 400h limited edition. It’s great for work as it is so comfortable. My son works for the local Toyota dealership and always does me a great deal. He had the chance to get me this car and told me that I wouldn’t regret buying it. He was right, it is fantastic. If I get to a gig a bit early, I can put a DVD on, which shows on the large screen on the dashboard. The car is fitted with an amazing surround sound system, which rivals any cinema. I would definitely have another one of these.