YOU have only to look at the headlines in Soapland’s periodical Inside Soap to know there’s a crisis – Frank Attacks Carla! Peter’s Revenge! Darren Jilts Jodie! Nicola and Jimmy Together Again. But domestic abuse, discarded brides and reassembled couples pale in comparison to the words that scream out BEN’S NEW BOYFRIEND!

This is a surprise and not just because no one knew Ben Mitchell in EastEnders (BBC1) was gay. Perhaps he hasn’t been the same since that head transplant.

Goodness knows what Fill the Fug will say. It certainly won’t be “What a gay day”. But in a strange way it’s all Fill’s fault because he tries to toughen up son Ben with boxing lessons.

After failing to prove himself lord of the ring, Ben asks gay Christian to train him. In being a boxer not being a homosexual.

Trouble is Ben is quite taken with Duncan, Jay’s new gym pal. Dunc the hunk proves a useful distraction while Ben is getting treated like a punchbag.

Fill reckons his son needs a proper trainer and arranges a match between Ben and Duncan. Little does he know it may turn out to be a love match, although having a fumble wearing boxing gloves is not advisable.

After the session, there’s hand-holding as Dunc removes the bandages from Ben’s hands, Ben leans in for a ... seconds out, round one. Or should that be Ben’s out, round one?

More violence in Coronation Street (ITV1) when Carla puts down her glass long enough to tell Fiendish Frank that the wedding is off. Not a good move and she doesn’t make matters any better by telling him about her feelings for Peter Barlow (who is entwined with Leanne).

Carla’s been reluctant to dump Frank because he’s her business partner in the knicker business known as Underworld and fears their relationship will be pants if she breaks up with him.

Carla hits the bottle and Frank hits back by sexually assaulting her. She calls the only person who’ll understand – Maria, who suffered a similar attack by him.

All of which is bad news for Peter Barlow who, as soon as he hears Frank is back on the cobbles, determines that he should be flat on his back on the cobbles.

Violence ensues, causing the crime rate figures to soar in Weatherfield.

Estranged couple Jimmy and Nicola King kiss and make-up in Emmerdale (ITV1). The pair have been preparing their divorce. That they end up together in a bed belonging to Declan, Nicola’s boss, adds spice to the reconciliation. At least John Barton suspects rival Declan is behind the surprise inspection that puts a halt to a big supermarket order he’s preparing.

Time perhaps for Ben Mitchell to pop round and give Declan a thrashing with his new-found boxing skills. Either that or snog him to death.