The Apprentice (BBC1, 9pm)

THE Apprentice never fails to attract a brilliant mix of truly talented and hideously puffed-up candidates, some of whom are forever etched in our memory. In series three, we met Katie Hopkins, who, despite displaying a gift for ruthlessness and back-stabbing, made it to the final three.

She turned down a place in the final (claiming she didn't want to uproot her family), but quitting early didn't do her career any harm – these days, you'll regularly find Hopkins mouthing off on daytime TV or engaging in squabbles on Twitter.

Remember "Jedi Jim" Eastwood from series seven? Whether he was selling umbrellas to tourists in Covent Garden, or bagging a bargain from a fruit and veg seller, no one was immune from the Northern Irishman's charms. He even managed to convince project manager Leon Doyle to change his mind about bringing him back to the boardroom after an unsuccessful task. Eastwood made Apprentice history with a sales order of £1.6m for his team's biscuits, but this wasn't enough to save him from the boardroom axe.

THE BOSS

There are many things which would be preferable to a boardroom dressing-down from Alan – "the only fair you're gonna get is your bloody train fare home" – Sugar. Love him or hate him, Lord Sugar makes great TV, and there's no doubt his no-nonsense approach has helped make the show a ratings hit.

But the bewhiskered one couldn't do without his boardroom sidekicks. When they're not hosting Countdown or attending West Ham matches, Karren Brady and Nick Hewer (who accused one candidate of being all over a task "like a tramp on chips") can always be relied upon to keep a wry eye on contestants.

We'll also always have a soft spot for Brady's predecessor Margaret Mountford, who sat by Lord Sugar's side for the first five series, and her priceless reply on learning that one candidate had studied Classics at Edinburgh University: "I think Edinburgh isn't what it used to be."

THE TASKS

Despite having their every move filmed for the duration of the show, the contestants have a habit of going all starry-eyed when it's lights, camera, action for a video task. Remember series three's Simon Ambrose struggling to get to grips with a trampoline for a home shopping segment? Or Phil Taylor's "Pantsman" creation in series five?

Every season, the candidates also pack their shoulder-padded suits for a trip to a far-flung location. We've seen them try and flog British cheese to the French, sell crisps in Hamburg, and go shopping in Dubai. Series four had self-proclaimed "good Jewish boy" Michael getting kosher chicken confused with halal in Morocco.

Never had an Apprentice candidate stepped down as project manager until last year, when Jason Leech discovered he couldn't quite cut it during the dating website task. To be fair he did have Luisa Zissman sniping in his ear (or "nipping at the heels of a bewildered sheep", as Nick put it).

THE CLICHES

Basic maths skills should be a must-have for every contestant, but year after year they defy the laws of numeracy and pledge to give 110 per cent to Lord Sugar.

Then there was Shibby Robati's: "My first word wasn't mummy; it was money", and Melody Hossaini's, "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon". Zissman's tops the lot with: "The energy of a Duracell bunny, the sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit, and a brain like Einstein."

BEST PUT-DOWNS

"I have an imaginary remote control strapped to my head – and you're on pause."

"You were devastated when you got a B in your GCSE French. You're gonna be even more devastated now, because you've got a big F – you're fired."

"I've heard you managed the Titanic restaurant. Well, this is another disaster."

"I know the words to Candle In The Wind. It don't make me Elton John."

"Don't tell me you're just like me. You're not like me. I'm unique."